Lydia Kanini, recalls a challenging childhood marked by parental hostility and harsh treatment. She and her siblings, two boys and three girls, often felt like they were walking on eggshells, constantly trying to please their parents without success.
The second born says; "We grew up in a combat-like environment with our parents calling us unprintable names whenever we failed to meet their expectations, and the only time we 'felt at home' was when we visited our aunt and uncle," says Kanini, She says they always looked forward to visiting their "cool Musaimos" family as they referred to them. They would eventually come to terms with the "name-calling" from their parents.
She recalls an incident when her brother almost committed suicide because their father often referred to him as "an old ape" whenever he was at fault. "It's like our parents never cared about the shaming language they use to discipline us, and even when we were on the 'good side', they still used negative references," says Kanini. ` According to Lisa Wanjiro, a family counsellor, sometimes, even with the best intentions, parents can unintentionally cause emotional harm to a child. "Shaming, whether intentional or not, and especially through repeated experiences can have long-lasting effects on a child's self-esteem and emotional well-being," says Wanjiro, adding that shaming practices can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in children. The experts share some of these common inadequacies that parents might not realise are shaming their children and how to address these actions constructively as follows: Using negative language The counsellor says the words parents use while addressing their children can impact them negatively.
Such phrases like "You act like an old ape, "You are so lazy" or "Why can't you be our neighbours' son", can internalise a negative self-image in children. "Negative labelling can lead to children believing these descriptors as truths, and this can hinder their personal growth and self-worth," says the expert, adding that positive fortification and productive criticism should replace negative labels.
